So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
