I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
