Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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