That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
