My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
