I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
