It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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