Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
