Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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