We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
