I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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