i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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