I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
