I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
