there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
