so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
