Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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