i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
