is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
