hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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