SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
