so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
