Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
