He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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