'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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