I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
