This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
