He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
