I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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