Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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