Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
