I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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