apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
