My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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