I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, beer. Big fan.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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