I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
