how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
