i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
