i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
