I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
