I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
