i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize