woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
