You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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