a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
