Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
