can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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