HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
