can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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