listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
