Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
