im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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