Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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