and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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