Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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