The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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