Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
