new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
