...so i touched it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
