I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.