I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need moral support for this bender
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this hospital has no fireball
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
