Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Quick, to the slutcave!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize