last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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