I just cut my nipple shaving
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have aggressive nipples.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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