foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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