There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
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terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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