Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
